Mini case : Pasar Malam Edition

Date Happened : 24 May 2012

Mini cases : Pasar Malam Edition

Allright, if you dont know what is pasar malam means? ( its night market in Malaysia , and its a Malay word in language)


Its a Thursday , me and my girlfriend went to SS2 Taman Megah pasar malam, as usual plenty of peoples in the market, there are plenty of stuff you can find. 


And i love to go to the handphone accessory stall to see what is the new thing.


When i was at the stall looking around , one of the owner came to me and asked :


Owner : 啊 靓女, 找什沒吗？( Ahh PRETTY, looking for something?)


Me : Its okay  and I turned my head to her like this :

Owner : 哇！吓 死人！(wah!! scared die me (means scary la)!)


Me : 我都没有吓你。。(i didnt scared u also )


Owner : 你的头发长长像个女人吗。。。。( your hair so long, like a girl ma)


Me : Speechless...


Then she laughed happily...

Not FUNNY

Massage Edition

Date Happened : 6 April 2012

Massage Edition:


I think my jobs been hectic recently ... and I had a really bad headache .... maybe due to hectic work and not enough rest within the few days.... And every time when i have headache i will naturally think of going for a massage to rest...


So i decided to go to a massage after work .... stepped in a massage center  requested 2 hours of massage.. i always take 2 hour massage ... because i can have a good sleep during the 2 hours... ( but if you had a bad skill masseur .. i will have a  really hard time of 2 hours la..  depends on your luck )


Went in to my cubical ... undressed myself ( half naked arr.. not fully naked ... you naughty naughty!! kekekekeke! )


Then a Sarawakian masseur came in ....  started to massage my back then leg hands.... half way I fell asleep... then suddenly her  colleague passed by and talked to her....


Conversation started here :


Masseur friend : Ehh....busy arr?
My masseur     : Ok lor.... customer saya tidur saja...(my customer is sleeping) 
Masseur friend : yakah..... tadi aku nampak dia ..  rambut panjang
                      (yeah , just now i saw him.....long hair....)
My Masseur     : yala.... rambut panjang mesti ada buat rebonding...kulit , tangan, kaki .. muka pun macam perempuan ...
                      (yeah man ..long hair, must be went for rebonding...skin, hands, legs face also like a GIRL..) 
Me                 : Aku lelaki  ( Im a MAN - macho manly voice !)
My Masseur     : Mak kau! oi... bukan awak tidur....
                       (OMG ... Oii!! dont you sleeping?)


Then she keep quiet for the rest of 2 hours... but i hardly sleep as she  told her colleague that my hair / skin/ hand/ leg  and even face look like girl...

ME HALF NAKED.. Y U STILL THINK IM LOOK LIKE GIRL??

International Edition : Nightlife ( Bali)

Date happened : 19 May 2012

International Edition : Nightlife ( Bali)

Hey Guys! herewith another case that happened in Bali as well.. but this time more interesting ... because it happened along the street.


Okay! its our last night in Bali , so me and my girlfriend decided to have a walk around Kuta area ( Kuta = one of the most commercialized town in Bali) . We just walked around the town , and we actually didn't noticed that we walked to the Legian ( another town in Bali ) and this area are full of Pubs, Nightclubs and massage parlors , same even do offer erotic massage ... men reader... nice right?? nyek nyek nyek!

Okok.. back to topic, me and girlfriend passed by  a nightclub, and we were stopped by a pimp, here was how the case happened :


Pimp                   : yooo GIRLS!! come in ! we have male strippers!
Me and my GF    : nah.. its okay ( i just lazy to explain to him I'm a man)
Pimp                   : C'mon! dont be shy ladies! those strippers are Sexay!  come in please!
Me                      : no thanks! ( in a manly voice)
Pimp                   : Oh MISS you must be having soar throat , and it looks like you lost your voice..( aiyorr!! he tot my macho voice due to soar throat)
Me                      : Ignore  him ( and we walked away straight)
Pimp                   : hey ladies! come back , its fun , please come!


And we just leaved that area as fast as we can ... later another pimp jump out and say the same thing how?


Vomit blood + Au tin ( Cantonese)  right?

 MR. PIMP .... Y U NO SEE ME A MAN? 

I VOMIT BLOOD MAX  wei!!

Toilet Edition -18 SX (after age verification)

okay you are really an adult now :D

Okay ... seems like you all are 18 and above yah :D




okok.... the case started like this:


I was at Paradigm mall , and alot of you guys know that i have small tangki ( bladder) , so i have to go to toilet very often ...i think my tangki ( bladder ) leakage .. easily get full..


As usual, went in the toilet ( its MEN's toilet), just stood at the urinal and pee la of course...


Then a small boy next to me also peeing .... nothing special actually ....then suddenly ....


The small boy finished peeing and zipped his pants , and he came to my urinal and look at me ... 


Me : whats wrong? y you look at me ?


Small boy : Jie jie ..... y you have "kuku"? ( kuku -  means penis ,actually i also donno kuku its from which language, usually Chinese will use this word since they are young .. agree? )


Me : oii!! dont you see i have kuku and  obviously im a MAN and you still think im a JIE JIE??


Small boy : noo... you are a girl but u have KUKU!


Me : i donno how to explain to you  that im a guy already.. ( on the way to vomit blood)


Small boy : You are a JIE JIE with KUKU! you are pondan ( means transsexual/ shemale)


Me : ........


-End-

 I GONNA KILL U !!HOW MANY TIMES U NEED ME TO TELL U IM A REAL MAN???

I just left the toilet with sexism feeling :(

International Edition : Toilet ( Bali )

Date Happened : 17 May 2012

International Edition : Toilet (Bali)

Yoooo!! I just came back from Bali few days ago , to be honest the traffic there was freaking bad la wei... jam all the way from morning till night..


Okay this case happened in Ubud of Bali. ( Ubud is a cultural town of Bali , you will love it if you love to buy some craft & paint, but if you are a happening person, sorry la... then you should stay in either Kuta or Legian , plenty of nightlife activities over there)


Me and my girlfriend had "Bebek Goreng" (  deep fried duck) at Ubud, environment was nice due to the restaurant facing nice padi field and we enjoyed our lunch over there.


After that i went to the toilet, toilet was packed, and there are alot tourist in the toilet as well... i went in a cubical to pee... and when im peeing .. i heard a boy singing happily in the toilet..


Boy : La! La ! La! La!! laaa !! Laaa! ( nice tempo)


When i came out from the cubical i saw a cute mat salleh boy ( usually mat salleh is to describe western people for Malaysian) and he looked at me ... and his face turned pale and his singing tempo changed to :


Boy : La.aa...........a .....l..a..........a.......a......LA....a... ( the tempo was totally out)


Then i just smiled at him and said  " you  sing really well" . Its a complement wei...


But the boy told his daddy "Daddy  , very scary... there is a long hair girl came out from cubical and she said i can sing well"

Woi! Its  a guy talking to you not long hair girl!

Lift Edition

Date happened : 18 November 2010

Lift Edition:


Allright , My office located in a business 30++ level building , so .. i have to take leave  everyday to work .. obviously and naturally ... Then it was kinda exited to take lift , because you will never know what kind of people will come in.... when you are lucky you will meet some handsome and pretty in the lift. But if your are in bad luck ... I no need to elaborate la.. you all know what i mean right? kekekkeeke!


Then this time , a mother and her daughter came in , then suddenly the small girl pulled my bag ...and i just smiled at her :D ( very lovely smile ok? not scary one!) . And the mother saw it , and told her daughter "darling dont do that ....dont pull JIE JIE's bag , and say sorry to JIE JIE ."


Then the lift stopped at the level that wanted to ... and they just left the lift.... so they walked out .... haiyah.. i wanna tell them im a GUY.. but no time...


Suddenly the small girl turned over and said :"SORRY JIE JIE!! JIE JIE BYE BYE!!!" in a very cheerful and lovely tone... awwwww.. isn't it sweet??

To those who donno what is JIE JIE means:

JIE JIE = SISTER ( Usually this is how Chinese use to address elder sister in a polite way)

BUT i dont even have time to explain to them that im a GUY....  

Flasher Edition - 18SX

Date happened : 30 April 2012

Flasher Edition:

After tennis usually ...rested a while and drove home... its late about 11pm... the roads are kinda empty at Kota Damansara area(its a housing / commercial area in Petaling Jaya, Malaysia) , and i was infront of a traffic light and suddenly there was a motorcycle next to me and motorist keep looking at me... 


It's strange la... so i just ignore him .. and suddenly he flashed his penis to me ... WTF??


And i heard he was talking to me :


Flasher : MISS.... you see! (showed me his penis -_-)
Me       : Ignore 
Flasher : Woi! look! (he is playing with his penis) 
Me       : I got pissed and i showed him a small thumb and laughed at him 

This is what I showed him+ my laughed (buahahaha)

Flasher : You dont know what is good thing! ( and he he left angrily )

And the traffic light turned green and i left.

P.S : All these conversation was happened with a layer of glass ( which means i didn't winded down my car window - this is to protect ourself from stranger)

SIR, please look properly the person is a ACTUAL or GENUINE  FEMALE before you show your pennis wei.. if not wasted ( SIT TAI), because what u have i also have ler..

Pub Edition

Date Happened : 20 October 2010 

Pub Edition :

Good friend came back from Australia for a short break. We all decided to have some drink after the dinner, so we went to a small pub in Damansara Utama. Reached , it was a small pub... its my first time there. But my friend used to be one of the regular customers there, once he stepped in , the PR girls came to him directly and hugged him.. i know this was his playground.

We ordered some beers and i can see those PR girls just hang around with all the guys.. and some of the just playing same games with the guys... and there are few girls also came to our table to entertain my friends... but the weird thing is those girls just dont come to me , all of them just smiled at me when they see me .... this is very weird and i was thinking what happened...

Until one of the PR girl came to me and said cheers! And i just said "cheers" to her ... she was shocked in the sudden .. and she said " OH MY GOD.... you are a GUY? .. all of us thought you are a GIRL and we dont dare to come to entertain you"

The story of this : Long hair might let you get out of trouble if you are not hamsup (pervert) , but it will gives you boringness if your are hamsup (pervert) as those girls will mistaken that you are a girl and they dont even come to uuuuuUUUUUuuuuu~~~

       Play safe dude!

Police Road Block 2.0 Edition

Date Happened : 3 May 2012

Police Road Block 2.0 Edition :


Okay guys , i believe  alot of you guys read the Police Road Block Edition , if you still donno what case is that please read it here ya :
http://yitungliw.blogspot.com/2012/04/police-road-block-edition.html


Allright ... to be honest to you all... i cant believe this case got part 2 man.. which is 2.0 seems like i also on trend .. we have Lynas 2.0 and Bersih 2.0.. i have 2.0 too!


This morning , drove towards Subang .. the 1st highway after i exit from my residential area is Subang airport highway. And when i entered the highway.. there was a police road block.. this time i very confident... because i never did anything against the law when driving...


Who knows the police stopped me and told me to move to the road side again .. WTF??


Winded down my window ... and ask the police ...


Conversation start here :


Me            : Apa cerita?
                   (What's the story ?)
Police        : AMOI!!!!  I see you again! ( wuah this time speak English)


Mother of GOD...I can buy TOTO / 4D / Damachai  already , because its the police that flirted with me last time .... and he remembered me -_- I think i have to go for Mandi Buddha (Its a religion method to wash away bad luck)


Me            : Wah.... u again? So kali ini .. aku tadak buat apa salah...
                                              ( So this time I didnt do anything wrong )
Police        : Jangan takut .... awak tak buat salah ...aku nak jumpa awak saja.. boleh tak?
                  ( Dont scare ... u didnt do anything wrong .. i just wanna meet you only can?)
Me           : Eh??  Mengapa awak henti saya macam ini? bagi aku ciao ok?
                  ( Eh? why you just stopped me like this? Let me go ok?)
Police      : Jangan lah Eksen lagi... bagi lah .. handphone number and FB boleh?
                  ( Dont lah action again .... give la your mobile number and facebook can?)
Me           : Tak boleh ! Itu hak saya untuk protect saya ..
                  ( Cannot .... its my right to protect myself)
Police       : Aku polis ... aku protect you mau?
                 ( Im a police.. i protect you want?)
Me           : Cepat .. bagi saya jalan ... aku tadak masa nak .. pergi meeting
                  (Faster ... let me go .. im in rush .... have to go for meeting)
Police      : Ehlah.amoi eksen lagi..I akan tunggu awak lagi sini hari lain 
                (Ehlah.... AMOI action again ,i will wait for you here again next time )

Then i left the place with poker face..


but the more i think the more im getting crazy...

Whats wrong with u Mr.Police? You too free is it? Can you go to do something which you should do?

Out Station Edition

Date Happened : 4 October 2010

Out Station Edition :

Went to Taiping ( a town located in Perak - Malaysia)   the trip will tale around 3 hrs.... so me and my girlfriend stopped by at Bidor ( another small town Perak too ) because Bidor its exactly half way of the journey to Taiping.

And we usually will go to the famous duck noodle coffee shop PUN CHAN for lunch ... I'm sure alot of you guys went to this place too :D

Bidor Famous duck noodles

After had our favorite duck noodle... satisfied .. yummy!!! walked back to my car .... and before we depart ... saw an old aunty with bicycle and came next to my car ... she wanted to sell us some sweet potatoes... my girlfriend just rejected her ...

Conversation start here:

Aunty :  Young people ..... want some sweet potatoes... very sweet one :D

GF      :  No thanks aunty ... we are all good :D

Aunty :  But you haven't ask the driver does SHE wants? <----(Pointing at me)

Me     :  Aunty its okay ... i don't need it :)

Aunty :  He is a GIRL or GUY arrrr?? ( aiyorrr... she just ignore me and talk to my GF ... why dont she asked me straight)

Me     :  Aunty .... im a guy ... real MEN~~

Aunty :  Why you guy but have long hair?? Is it the trend nowadays arr?? Haiyah.. donno what young people nowadays think..不像話!!<-- (its a Chinese words to describe not good at all)

And just left like that.... AUNTY.....　WHY GUYS CANNOT HAVE LONG HAIR??? IM NOT AGAINST THE RULE MAA...

Why cannot have long hair?? :(

Short mini simple case

Date Happened : 7 May 2012


Short & Simple case:


Went to toilet to pee, when i was peeing at the urinal... OBVIOUSLY IM STANDING.. a guy came in saw me STANDING PEEING and he walked out to see the toilet sign and came in again and lock himself in the cubical.. woi!! what you scared? Come out!!

Double Combo - Gym Edition

Date Happened : 3 May 2011

Combo - Gym Edition:


Time for workout! so decided to go to SS2 Celebrity fitness as my friend told me there is a good place t work out as  less people even during peak hours :)


Parked my car .... found the gym ... checked in .. and i asked the counter where is the wash room... he just pointed the direction to me.


For sure, i just followed his direction... walked in the toilet LIKE A BOSS... but when put down my gym bag at the locker.. it feels weird.... why got girls talking around me... then i looked properly .. god dammit! IM IN FEMALE TOILET!... those ladies looked at me and act nothing they still continue to change and so on...


I faster act normal... picked up my bag and slowly gostand ( means go backwords) and exit the female toilet...phew... and i found the male toilet.. now i really can walked in LIKE A LOU SAI ( like a boss).. because i know im safe in it..  --> combo 1


Who knows when i walked in .. some of the guys actually stared at me... there was a guy summore use his towel to cover his naked body when he saw me....  ---> combo 2

so which toilet i have to be in TO BE SAFE?? you tell me la...

1Utama Toilet Edition

Date Happened : 11 April 2012

Toilet Edition :


Alright ... today is holiday!!  ( 11 April 2012) Must write down the date.. if not people will mistaken today(the post day ) is a holiday .. then all don't go to work/ school.. not my fault ok?? hehehhee


Went to 1U for some shopping.... Red alert !! --> Tangki ( Water tank - bladder) full again!! faster go to the nearest toilet.... so walked in the toilet with very Manly / Macho style.. just dowan to let people mistaken I'm a GIRL...


Kinda full in the toilet....wee... saw an empty cubical and went in to pee.... during my peee  i heard something out of the cubical...


Small Boy : Daddy!!! faster go out!! we are in girl's toilet!
Daddy       : Nonsense..... don't simply say.. faster pee..!
Small Boy : Nolah.. daddy... i really saw a girl came in ..... we are in the wrong  toilet.. faster go out!
Daddy       : Cant you see urinal in this toilet.... you better pee now!
Small boy  : No daddy... trust me.... there is a girl in the cubical. ( deng! i know he was referring me)
Daddy       : After i finished peeing... i gonna scold you ( woahh.. violent!)
Small boy  : wwuuuuuuu ( cried) daddy not good!
Me            : Uncle... i think your  son mistaken me a girl ( I came out from the cubical)
Small boy  : Daddy you see .. she  came in the toilet... this is girl's toilet ( pointing at me)  -_-
Daddy       : I'm sorry MISS.. nono Mr... my son's fault...
Me            : Nonono... its okay... he just a small boy.... don't blame him... he dont understand...
Small boy  : wuuuwuuuuu wuuu ( still crying)  i told you already... there is a girl in the toilet.... i want to go to the boy's toilet to pee....
Me            : ....... speechless.....

This is the how the boy look when he left the toilet....poor boy.....

Roadside Edition

Date Happened : 6 April 2012

At Taman Megah ( one of the residential area in PJ) , Found a good parking spot .. parked nicely . And saw a Magazines store nearby ... so just walked over to see any nice magazines to buy .. hmmm.. nothing special... so just leave the shop..


When i was walking towards my car... someone tapped my shoulder(sounds scary right??  its daytime...no ghost! nothing laaa) .. i turned back ... its a stranger ( a girl) , this was our conversation :


Me : Hi .. do I know u ?
She: Nope.... hey i like your TV ads :) 
Me : err... no... im never on TV 


She : Don't lie.... you are on the Double Mint Chewing gum  TVC ( Wuah suddenly i feel like a model or artist, people like my TVC - but actually really not me la... syok sendiri )


Me  : That's not me ... im not an artist 
She : nooo.. you are THE GIRL in the TVC ... your are cute....
Me  : Gulp..... do I look a GIRL to you? I'm a Guy obviously....
She : Oops......but u really look like the girl in the TVC maa...
Me: ......

Which part of me look like a girl after you talked to me.....